Trans Allies, Here's What You Can Do
Instead of waiting for trans or nonbinary folx to ask
Keep us safe. You can say, “I have a trans/nonbinary person in my life,” but do not out us. For us, coming out is not one event. It’s a perpetual risk calculation every moment of every day. Please leave it to us.
Sign up to local and national LGBTQ and trans organizations to keep informed and know when actions like protests, rallies, or city council or school board meetings occur. And show up. Wear pride colors, make signs. Be loud.
If you are educated enough to speak wisely, speak at the city council and school board. If not, show up and cheer. If trans people are willing to speak, give them preference, then back them up.
Follow trans content creators to learn. Share their posts.
If you have the means, donate to local or national trans and LGBTQ organizations or volunteer. If you’re not sure which organizations are legit, do some Googling or ask one of your trans friends who is already speaking up (don’t put an extra burden on us if you can help it).
Look up “how to be an ally” and “how to help” articles instead of asking us. Plenty already exist. Allyship is a practice, not an identity.
When you hear slurs, misgendering, or even genuine questions, speak up. Nonviolent communication works best to persuade people to change their minds, but, hey, sometimes that’s not the vibe.
If you see someone you think might be trans, smile, wave, or nod. Say, “Hey, fam.” If you will interact with them for a while, ask their pronouns. Don’t ask if they are trans. Don’t point out that they are. It could be hurtful—or even dangerous.
Buy something pro-trans and display it or wear it. Show us where we are safe. We may not say anything, but we see you and feel our shoulders loosen up just a bit.
If you own a business or have the authority to do so at work, add something online or in-store that shows you are safe. A flag icon. A sign. “We support women, people of all races, LGBTQ people, people with disabilities [etc.], and if that doesn’t align with your values, this isn’t the place for you.” Include all types of people in your pictures and images—queer couples, people who use mobility aids, a variety of races/ethnicities and faith traditions.
If you are an educator at any level, look at your lesson plans and syllabi to think through who is included and who is missing. Who is excluded? Who gets to speak for their own experiences, and who has other people speaking for them? (Are your trans books by trans or cis authors? Is your content about Black people written from the view of white people?)
On that, remember that we all have multiple identities. Some have multiple stigmatized identities, and they experience even more harm from society. Remember trans and nonbinary people can also be Black, disabled, autistic, Deaf, immigrants, fat, Muslim, etc.
If you see someone wearing something pro-trans—a pin, a T-shirt, a bracelet—compliment them (without commenting on their body). “Great shirt!” “Thanks for wearing your pride!”
Before you invite us someplace, stop and think about what it might be like for a trans person there. (Are there gender-neutral bathrooms?) Give us a heads up and let us make the decision if your transphobe uncle is going to be there. (Some places that are “for LGBTQ” are actually for G or LGB.)
If your trans friend needs to use the bathroom in a public place, ask if they feel safe. Quietly ask if they want a buddy to guard the door or come in with them. Ask if they want to pick a code word or hand signal to indicate danger/help.
Don’t pre-obey. Don’t preemptively implement executive orders—they are not law.
Text, email, or call your trans and nonbinary friends, family, coworkers, and acquaintances to tell them you are thinking of them.
Ask for consent before talking about the latest horrible news; we are already overwhelmed. Ask, “Would you like a distraction, a venting session, a hug, or something else?”
Many of us are losing our funding and/or jobs (including me!). With consent, send us job opportunities or other unemployment-related help.
Don’t tell us about your allyship practices. Just do them.